In my last post, after watching the Olsen Twins “Gimme Pizza” clip I wondered if any source material could be slowed down and become funny.  Here’s my test.  I’ll let the viewing public be the judge.

From @eblarden
Gimme Pizza Slow Mo

Let’s face it guys, by the end of that song the pizza was essentially inedible. Fried chicken, pasta, tacos, oreos, whipped cream, and eyeballs? That just isn’t going to taste good. Let’s not provide false hope to children. They need to know that if you just randomly open out your fridge onto an uncooked pizza it’s going to taste like hot garbage. Additionally, we need to let the children of the world know that they can’t freely attain eyeballs, and if somehow they have eyeballs at the ready the absolute last thing they should do with them is put them on a P-I-Z-Z-A.

I’ve actually seen this video before. Seeing it again makes me wonder – is any clip slowed down funny, or is it just the Olsen Twins. I’m going to try to run some experiments – I’ll get back to you.

From @Klondike
Mister Rogers defending PBS to the US Senate

Well, shit. I wanted to be cynical. I wanted to be funny. As the clip ran I started thinking about all of the clever ways I could send up Mr. Rogers speaking to the senate – defending the rights of sweaters, or imaginary trains – brilliant comedy like that. But something about this clip was just disarming. He really cares about children and fought to make a difference in kid’s lives. And knowing that I’ve got a copy of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood on DVD (it comes wrapped in a mini sweater) waiting for my soon to be born son, I hope he knows that his life’s work continues to make a difference.

Hurry up, let’s move on to some hopefully less redeeming YouTube garbage.

From @PokeBendy
DIR EN GREY – OBSCURE from ALBUM “VULGAR” (NSFW)
Message: My apologies… EVERYBODY ELSE: NOT WORTH WATCHING.

This is what Mr. Rogers fought for. A talentless Japanese metal band who thinks random quick shots of people puking, six armed people, creepy sex scenes, and geishas eating baby heads are totally rad. If only Mr. Rogers knew Japanese so he could sing to them about what they should do when they feel anger.

Also, there seemed to be naked breasts in that video. Can you do that on YouTube? Maybe only when the music totally shreds hard?

How much do you think a video like that costs? I’ll go out on a limb and say that abomination cost at least a million dollars. That’s 167 Billion yen I believe.

From @nikkif610
The Oregon Trail – Official Trailer

Here’s my question about the Oregon Trail. What was educational about it? I remember it being more video game than education. But we all played it. I think I’d actually play it at a friends house outside of school. That’s how cool I was.

The scary thing about this video – this is totally what an Oregon Trail movie would be like. And now that I’ve seen the fake trailer, it doesn’t seem all that far fetched that there could be a real Oregon Trail movie.

I leave you with a disturbing fact. I complain all the time that I’m too busy, but I had already seen 50% of the videos. What does that mean? I’ve clearly got more time than I need.

I’m back.

No promises, no strings attached, no real plan, but for the moment I’m back. Let’s have some fun.

So, what kind of garbage are you going to force me to watch this time?

From @MaileShoul
Funniest thing you ever seen! /drunk i convenience store!!!!!

I’ve already got a distaste for YouTube videos labeled ‘FUNNIEST THING YOUVE EVAR SEEN!!!!!’ Rarely are they correct. This was funny, but not the single funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

It seemed kind of inappropriate to be drinking a beer as I watched this video… at 1 AM. I guess I didn’t need a video to tell me that, but sometimes an extra nudge helps.

The most fascinating thing about this video for me is the impact that sound has on a video. The clip is a security video that has no sound. The video just doesn’t have the same impact without some kind of backing audio – either natural sound, or music. I’d love to see a bunch of different types of music put to this clip. Hmmm… are you thinking what I’m thinking?

From @discodamon
90s GAMING IS VERY COOL

Man, I can’t believe video from the 90s can look so dated. The 90s were my jam! Do you think we’ll look back at ourselves in 2010 with our iPads and our Avatar and things will look as douchey as they do in this clip? Avatar may already be that douchey.

Am I spelling that right? Douchey?

And for the record, Nintendo 64 was, and still is, AWESOME!!!!!

From @nikkif610
Comment: Im curious what you think about these video games from Japan. Warning – it’s a little controversial.
Japanese Rape Video Game Causing Controversy!

Wow. Shit just got real for a second.

Based on the first two videos I was going to title this post ‘THE AWESOMEST STUFF YOU WILL EVAR SEE!!!!!’ but I’m pretty sure I need to find a new title for this.

So here is my snap uneducated judgement on this. Sure, these games are awful and don’t really need to exist, but I fault CNN in this case for sensationalizing them. I don’t care if as the reporter says in the video ‘The internet shrunk the world’ – the only reason I came across this game is because you decided to run a report on it. You’re doing it for ratings, and that is almost as bad as the game itself.

Also, the last line of the segment it amazingly horrible. “Women’s rights groups say the interactive games step closer and closer to reality and no one should play a game where the only way to win is to rape.” Just listen to the stereotypical newscaster delivery on it. CNN, you are awful.

I’m going to get some really, really crazy google search traffic from this post. If you came just by searching on Japanese rape video games, what the hell is wrong with you?

From @Klondike
Cycles

A really impressive animation. What this video does real well is set a baseline expectation for the viewer. The real cars will pass by in this pattern, a the teddy bears will cross the road in this way. And it happens that way long enough that it becomes our new reality – when it deviates from that pattern in even the slightest way it blows our minds.

Random personal thought. I used to have a teddy bear I called bunny ball (because it was round). I kept it well past when I was too old for it. I think I threw it on the roof of my house once.

@Klondike continues to have a super high success rate on videos. I think I may change the site to @Klondike makes Brian watch things.

From @maxanger
Season 1 Ep. 8: Bunnies: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

Ironically, I’ve never seen Wrath of Khan so technically this was one massive spoiler provided by cartoon bunnies.

Even though I’ve never seen Wrath of Kahn I do know the ‘Khaaaaan!’ reference. Funny how we can understand pop culture references for things we’ve never seen. Stellllaaaaa!!!!

As I mentioned in my last post, I really wanted to make something using that James Earl Jones alphabet clip. I had a bunch of grandiose ideas, but they either didn’t work out or would have required an -insane- amount of effort. So this is what I ended up with. See if you can find the secret message.

Let’s see what the tubes have in store for me this evening – I could use a pick me up.

From @littleayun
PLASTIC BAG | FULL EPISODE | FUTURESTATES | ITVS

If I was to take away one message from this video it would be DON’T EVER RECYCLE. Apparently if you do recycle you are murdering talking plastic bags with feelings and foreign accents. I wonder if that was the message the film maker was trying to get across with this?

And like that, an 18 minute video consumes my entire 15 minute quota. Funny that my initial reaction to an 18 minute video on YouTube was that of disgust and panic. Who is to say that YouTube has to be all about short form junk food? This was not junk food. This was well shot and very entertaining. Thankfully they didn’t lay on the message as heavily as I thought they were going to. The one thing I wondered as the film went on is what it would have been like without the voiceover. I think the film could be just as powerful image and music alone.

Speaking of the voice over, apparently it was done by Werner Herzog. I must admit, I’ve never seen one of his films. I have for a split second considered going to his Werner Herzog’s Rogue Film School though. Be sure to read the about page for a full outline of the Werner Herzog Rogue Film School experience.

That video was enjoyable, but I feel like I’m cheating you guys out of variety. Not to mention the typical train wreck that YouTube usually delivers. So I’m going to try something different here. I’m going to cruise through some content in the style of the seminal MTV reality dating show Next! (or chatroulette if you want a contemporary reference). I’m going to watch until I lose interest and move on. Go!

From @aleroslyakova
Café Tacvba performing Dejate Caer.

Almost insta-nexted when I was forced to watch 10 seconds of a Justin Beiber ad before the real video started.
Next! @ 1:30 Needed more of guy in suit dancing, less of a trendy looking band singing in some language I don’t understand (but probably should).

From @raeroshow
Nathan “Flutebox” Lee and Beardyman @ Google, London

Next! at 4:20 (yeah, yeah I get it)
Come on, another 18 minute YouTube video! I would have nexted much earlier during the flute beatboxer but I really wanted to at least see the appearance of Beardyman. Of course Beardyman comes out and he hardly has a beard. Beardfail! And he spent most of his time soundchecking. I’m gone.

@DanChappa suggested a Google Video link. Rules say YouTube only – Next! Also, didn’t Google already end-of-life google video and move everything to YouTube? Stop sending me to things that don’t exist.

More from @raeroshow

Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) – Beyonce

Next @ 1:09. I liked this, but I felt like I’d seen all their tricks by the first minute. I was also initially drawn in by girl in Batman T-Shirt but lost interest real quick.

Who’s On First.

Next @ 0:16. Don’t get me wrong. This sketch is amazing, but someone made me watch this exact version lately. It actually may have been @raeroshow. Plus, this version is far superior.

From @klondike
Sesame Street: James Earl Jones: Alphabet

Watched the whole thing. This clip is AMAZING. Among my favorite clips I’ve watched so far for this site. @klondike seems to know my tastes pretty well.

I think that video could be great source material for something new. Let’s make some magic.

From @DanChappa
Seth Meyers Talks About Boner Ghost

Made it all the way through this one, but under normal circumstances probably would have stopped watching. I decided I wasn’t going to stop the video until I heard the word ‘boner’ and by that time I was halfway through. I also love stories where doing comedy sounds like summer camp, and this as it turns out was one of them. Also, I wanted to watch the whole video since @zachward filmed it.

I’m tired. Thanks YouTube!

I collected links a bit longer this time around and that increased the excitement and anticipation on my end. Time to find out how that actually translates to content.

From @gregdesantis
Trey Starks Dunk of the Year

March Madness baby! Can you feel it?! It’s the dunk of the year baby!!!

Um, yeah. It’s a slam dunk video. A cool dunk for sure, but still just a slam dunk video. In it a 5′11” player literally dunks over a 6′5” player and clears the taller player completely. Can’t tell for sure (and unwilling to do any actual research), but it may have happened in a high school game.

The video loops the dunk about 5 times in different speeds. Perhaps the person who compiled this for YouTube forgot about newfangled rewind, pause, and functions available on the modern internet. Not being able to see a play again isn’t even a problem on TV nowadays since anyone in their right mind has a DVR. Funny how looping a dunk like that just felt kind of odd and unnecessary.

Was just about to navigate away from the clip when I saw the comments. When you watched that clip, did it make you want to get into a vulgar argument about race? No? Well, you’re probably not going to get along with the majority of the 271 commenters then. I hope someday the joy of YouTube commenting bleeds into this site. That will be a sight to behold.

From @nikkif610
If All Movies Had Cell Phones
Comment: Hope you enjoy like I did!

(Embedding disabled by College Humor on this one. Boooooo!!!)

From @nikkif610 I doubt I enjoyed it like you did. Sure, I enjoyed the video and everything. It was a perfectly serviceable YouTube video especially since it was one of those College Humor videos which I tend to find wildly uneven. It even had some real highlights like the reworked Gilligan’s Island theme, and the amazingly simple resolutions to Home Alone and Fight Club. But From @nikkif610 I doubt you were watching the video with an impending sense of dread thinking ‘What can I possibly add to this video? How can I possibly provide any relevant, worthwhile conversation on a well shot, clever, but totally one note College Humor Video?’ I guess we probably had one thing in common. We were both wishing the video would never end, but most likely for very different reasons.

So what can I add to this? Nothing. But thankfully I’ve got new friends to bail me out.

ItsOttis: I HAVNT SEEN HALF THESE FUCKING MOVIES
ownagepie24: @ItsOttis 1. Don’t talk in all caps, just makes you look like a newfag. 2. Please tell me you have at least seen Forrest Gump and Fight Club. Because if not you live a pretty fail life.

Wow, really tough choice. Out of these people, who would be the person who is truly leading a ‘fail life’. It’s a toss up. Wait a second…

Calipsan: have actually seen ALL these movies. I rock.

Nope, it’s Calipsan as he has a completely false perception of his own rockingness.

Or maybe the person is the real fail life in all this is me. Discuss…

From @NeilArrr
Epic Phone Fail

These guys seem familiar. Ah, they did the Generic Academy Award Winning Movie Trailer Sketch (which was great by the way). Interested to see some of their other work.

If you haven’t done so yet, watch the video. Did you get it the first time around? I must admit, I didn’t completely grasp the joke. I thought it was more of just one of those ‘crazy’ sketches, which I don’t mind. Upon a second viewing, I got that there actually was a joke there.

What’s with the David Bowie comment at the end? Can someone explain that reference to me?

They use a short clip of a song by Five Iron Frenzy (90’s Christian Ska FTW!) in the video. This ties in to something that I’m fascinated with – the specifics around using licensed music or video on YouTube. I read an article in Wired yesterday and found out that it isn’t as black and white as all licensed content getting booted (can’t find it online, sorry). Some actually feed ad revenue to the copyright holder. Wonder which category they fall into. What was that? Did I just make you think? Boom!

From @rodbegbie
Fiona Apple, Elvis Costello – “I Want You”

Hello Fiona Apple. How are you? I’m fine thanks. Why do you stand like that? You know, kind of crouched over like an old lady. Do you need a chair? Are you sure you’re not mad? You seem mad. Did I do something? Did I watch your ‘Criminal’ Video too many times back when I was younger and just sat in front of MTV all day? Do you have stats on that kind of thing? You sure were great in that ‘Criminal’ Video. You seem more like a Mom in this one. Maybe you are a mom now. Thanks for letting Elvis look awesome in this video. I was worried you were going to mope his awesomeness away but it worked out fine. You’ve got to get going? Ok. It was great talking to you Fiona Apple. Let’s do this again sometime.

Um… how can I segue out of this one…

Awkward audience cutaway!

From @DanChappa
Jason Segel’s new song

And now it’s time for a new regular feature on the site: ‘Yes, I’m that much of a dick’

After watching this video I went into google voice and did research to see if I could record outgoing calls. You can’t. So then I did some tests with Audacity and the speakerphone on my iPhone. Not great, but gets the job done. Next I made a light outline in my head of what I’d say in a handful of possible conversation scenarios. Finally, I dialed 1-315-329-6673 to talk with Jason Segel. I got ‘We’re sorry, but the call can not be completed as dialed’.

Yes, I’m that much of a dick.

Jason, give me a call. I’ve got some questions for you. Like why you did this song at both a Swell Season show and a Maroon 5 show. I’d love to know what your iPod is like with tastes like that.

As promised in my last post, I attempted to make a 5 Second Film. I went back and forth on if I should actually post it or not. Turns out making a successful 5 Second Film is hard and can’t be done easily by yourself in a dark kitchen mainly filmed inside a running refrigerator.

Part of me worries that the video is possibly the worst thing of all time. But the other part of me is the part that one. That part of me says screw it – this site started on impulse and should continue to run on impulse. Plus, it’s time for me to start feeding back into the YouTube void that I am so heartily consuming from.

Enjoy. Or not. Either way it is only 5 seconds.

(PS – The video probably only make sense if you’ve read this post)

Here goes. I tried selecting at random tonight to see how that works…

From @pffenzel
Puscifer The Mission with Milla Jovovich in Ultraviolet

@pffenzel has already established himself as a regular contributor to Make Brian Watch This and all of his contributions thus far have been musical oddities. Statement on the perfect consumable unit of YouTube goodness? Coincidence? Time will tell.

So the song ‘The Mission’ in this video is by the band Puscifer which I believe is a side project from Maynard James Keenan of Tool and A Perfect Circle fame. Don’t know much about Puscifer (what have I been doing with my life up to this point?) but I was under the impression that it was some kind of whacked out, sexy, maybe even campy side project. Coming into it with that perspective this song really underwhelms. And Mila Jovovitch sings on it, sounding exactly like every female singer in alternative radio in the 90s. Groundbreaking.

What is groundbreaking – or at least hard to believe – is the fact that this song is set to footage from what apparently is a real movie with Jovovitch called Ultraviolet. If you’ve ever asked ‘How many people could possibly be killed in three minutes in a horrible Matrix rip-off’ this clip has your answer. Also, the villains in this movie all seem to wear nose-plugs. [Insert joke about how bad this movie must have stunk. ZINGER!] This video still wasn’t worth watching, but an amazing crotch related death nearly gave it some value..

From @HMXCasey with credit to @MrPope
Эдуард Хиль – Как я рад, ведь я… Edward Hill ED (Вокализ)

So this is that ‘Trololo-ololo’ video that is making the rounds. Except it has a slight psychedelic effect applied throughout.

This exposes a challenge I’m facing as I settle into my role as YouTube slave. I ask myself ‘why’. First off, why do people like the original source video? When I watched it I found it a little odd and I wondered if the guy was really singing, but I can’t say I really ‘enjoyed’ it. And I definitely would not have sent this video to friends. So maybe I’m missing something. Let’s just say that I’m not hip to the magic of ‘Trololo-ololo’ for some reason. Why would @HMXCasey (and apparently @MrPope) pick this specific version to distribute? What makes this the definitive Criterion Collection version of ‘Trololo-ololo’?

I can’t ask why. If I keep asking why, I’ll fail. Possibly die.

I do wish that this version really tweaked or subverted the original source material somehow.

From @Klondike
Top 20 5 Second Films Presented By UPROXX

Take note. This stands as my favorite submission thus far. It is exactly what it sounds like. 20 individual films back to back that are only five seconds long. Some are amazingly complete – even having what feels like a legitimate story arc. Some use twitch editing gimmicks. Others are just horrible. But overall, well worth the effort to view.

Effort. That is another thing that keeps coming back. I tend to feel and notice fatigue when watching my 15 minutes of YouTube. I felt that same type of fatigue within this three minute video. By the middle of it I was experiencing sensory overload. Shots and whole films just keep flying by, nothing more than noises and shapes. Eventually I refocused and got back to it. Quite a ride in 3 minutes.

I’m going to check out more about 5 Second Films. Doesn’t seem like it’s an open thing, but I’m going to try to create my own 5 second video for this site soon. Seems fun.

From @laakshmii
Jeff Dunham – Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Don’t ask why.

Don’t ask why.

WHY!?

Yes, I watched 10:47 of Jeff Dunham doing Achmed the Dead Terrorist when I technically only had a few minutes left in my 15 minute quota. But I was expecting stuff like that when I decided to do this. I have deeper, more important questions.

First off, I’m still at the point where the people participating in this project are mostly people I know in real life. I can’t yet hide completely behind the veil of anonymity. I know what @laakshmii is like in real life (at least the work part of life) and I can’t help but wonder why she submitted this video. Does she like Jeff Dunham? Does she not like Jeff Dunham? Did she submit it thinking I would like Jeff Dunham? Did she submit it with the intention of torturing me? I’m really baffled. Do I ask her? Do I just pretend this never happened?

On to the actual clip. I don’t like Jeff Dunham. I find this routine offensive – more because it is bad comedy than because it is offensive subject matter (although it is a little of both). The amount of repetition in this routine and use of catch phrases is mind numbing. Also, if you can make it through the whole thing, compare the first half to the second half. Jeff seems to be having fun in the first half, but see if you can catch the exact moment where he goes into autopilot. I did. That said, I’ve tried to do standup and I’m not yet very good at it. Jeff Dunham on the other hand has the crowd eating out of his hand for 10:47.

I don’t know what to make of all this, but I’m glad @laakshmii participated (whatever her motives). Unfortunately, I have to be honest – this ranks as my least favorite clip yet.

For those looking for extra credit – feel free to check out the links I didn’t get to. I’m sure there is more cool stuff in there.

1.) Most, if not all of the people in these videos are real people (Timbaland being the exception). The person who suggested the video may know them and as a result the author may see my comments. Or in the case of this last post, videos may serve to reunite old high school friends.

2.) I’m going to be wrong. Often. Turns out that Manowar still tours and has a rabid fanbase. Who knew.

Never stop learning.